Wal-Mart-Land

It's a rough world out there. How have I survived this long? Simple. By following some basic rules:

1. Cardio: You're gonna park a long ways away. Nobody's gonna save you when you pass out in the parking lot.

2. Double Tap: You think that old lady you knocked out to get that last Elmo isn't gonna bother you anymore? Think again. One more swing of your Nerf sword isn't gonna hurt any. (See #18)

3. Wear Seatbelts: Wal-Mart parking lot. Need I say more?

4. Beware of Bathrooms: Besides the homeless guy living in there, you need to wash your hands, and arms, and face- actually just go home and take a shower.

7. Travel Light: 'Cause it will get stolen.

18. Limber Up: You will get into fights. Let's not pull a muscle.

19. When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out: This applies to every time you go in Wal-Mart during the holidays. There's only one way in and one way out. You're not gonna last long if you get lost.

31. Check the Backseat: 'Cause you probably left something at the checkout.

32. Enjoy the Little Things: They cost less.